It caught me..

the flu that is. I am sick...ughhh...I spent all day in bed, something people usually love to get the chance to do, but under these circumstances it just sucks. Poor Reiko really wanted mommy today to, he didn't understand why I couldn't hold him..poor lil fella. But at least everyone else in the house is feeling good. I have been studying my human anatomy book alot, really enjoying it, although I hate hate hate reading about cells...soo boring. Its hard to believe in 1 month I will be attending my first college course! I am so nervous! I hope it will go good. Friday we have to get the Ronald McDonald pictures done and then Reiko gets his 1 year shots and RSV needle..gonna be a long day I think..I hope I am feeling better by then. I don't have much else to say, boys are better...take care!

BACKSTREET BOYS!!

I am sooo very very excited, Tomorrow I am buying tickets for my sister and myself to go see the Backstreet Boys and NewKids on the Block August 7th at the JLC! For those of you that don't know me well, I am a BSB fanatic! I LOVE BACKSTREET BOYS! I listen to their music all the time, my room at my old house was covered wall to wall with their posters, they were all I talked about until Derek came into my life lol. I have been to 3 concerts of theirs. This is big big news lol. I cannot wait to go!
God I love my husband for being so wonderful and always telling me to do things that I love.

Reiko has been so sick lately, this damn pneumonia, and yes it is pneumonia again, is just kicking his butt. He is on Amoxicillin and Steriods to help his lungs, when he gets those into his body he is a completely different baby, he actually smiles at us and doesn't act sick. But most of the day he just sleeps and is not happy..I don't blame him, its been awful. I have had to put on a 02 Saturation monitor on his foot the last two nights, and earlier it was in the low 80's...it should be 95-100...I wonder what the doctors will say when they see the results. I have been getting more and more worried with how this pneumonia has been affecting him..but I know he is a fighter, he always has been. His birthday was very low key, we got home at 7am from the hospital so I slept til 130 and he slept all day, we went to Oma's to celebrate with cupcakes but Reiko was to sick to care, and we all just kinda did our own thing...that night we had Respite Care so Derek and I got some good sleep.

Kai has been going to bed much much easier now, I added a clock to his routine, after his shows are over I say "lets go over to the clock now" and we watch the seconds clock and once it hits 60 seconds he knows its bedtime! It has been working awesome and he has been great. Last night though he woke up at 12 and tried to come to bed with me, Derek was home so I said no, and he was crying, so Derek came upstairs and Kai went down to watch some tv with daddy and they both slept downstairs, Kai on his fold out spiderman couch and daddy on the regular couch since Kai would not let him leave and he said Reiko was up every half hour, most likely because of the steroids. Kai, my mom and I went to London yesturday to pick up some paperwork and after we went to the mall and I bought Kai this fake hamster and track that he loves, and then we headed over to the playscape and he played for about 2 hours there, then we headed home, he was great all day, even at East Side Marios! Today Oma and all of our little family went to some liquidation stores and Kai picked out this new toy that is kids wood that you get a little saw with and stuff like that, to build "wooden" toys with, but really the wood is styrofoam lol. He carried it around the whole store and was so excited to buy it with his own money, but really he only had .15 cents on him and we knew that would not cover it lol. He was very proud though to buy it! It was adorable! He hasn't played with it yet though because once we got back from the stores he went straight to Oma's for the night. The second liquidation store was awesome, I bought my first Columbia jacket, I have always always wanted one! Its a black and pink spring jacket! sooo pretty! and I also got a baby blue sweater! Derek got a sweater as well! It was a good day! Derek and I spent the afternoon watching movies with Reiko, well he mainly slept, so we watched Red Riding Hood which was actually way better than I thought it was going to be, and I did the domestic stuff, cleaned the bathroom, bedroom, livingroom and laundry,...but those darn dishes did not get done...guhh...tomorrow...and I will finish the laundry as well too.

Well we got Reiko's Child Disability Tax forms filled out and now we can file our taxes! I hate this time of year for taxes! I was going to say something and I have forgotten...

I have been very bad for eating the last few days, tomorrow I am back at the eating right and working out though..I need to, I do so good and then I always back track..so now its time to kick it up if I want to be in the 160's by april! Ok since I am totally forgetting what I was going to say since my Lorazapam has sunk it and making me sleepy..I will write more tomorrow.
Take Care everyone.

Jess

Ohhh Energy where are you??

Its been a rough few days, Reiko is sick, and not sleeping...I am not sleeping...and my energy has just left the building, crossed the street and taken an airplane far far away...I could use about 40 energy drinks just to get me by the days please....Zumba was cancelled tonight because of the snowy weather we got, so I don't have that to fall back onto. So I will stick with day 2 of the 30 day shred level2. I did it last night and I was thinking it would just be alittle harder than level 1, boy was I wrong, I was very angry with Jillian, it was a good thing the kids were asleep because Jillian was getting a mouth full from me, and non of it was pleasant. The house is a mess, laundry is piling up, even the clean laundry is piling up because it needs to be folded and put away, the dishes keep piling up no matter how often I wash them, the floors were mopped on the weekend and it looks like it has never seen one before...I am just wiped right now, wy different than how I was feeling last week, that is for sure. But Reiko's cold is just taking everything out of me, and I hate it. Last night he had another rough night and I had him on my chest for a while just so he could breathe better, and after some tylenol and advil and puffer he seemed to be able to breathe alittle better. I didn't get to sleep til well after 2 am, and Reiko still woke me up tons. Derek came home from work and I went to sleep until 12, but I was not ready to wake up, 3/4 days of hardly any sleep is just awful. I have been sticking with my good eating, no scale differences though..stupid scale lol. Tomorrow is the big day, and I am sure it will be on my mind all day and night. He will be 1 years old...awwwwwwwwww.....Ok I am even to lazy to finish this post..soo take care.

don't i just look pleasant...

Jess

A tired momma

So we got home from the hospital about 11 last night, the doctor said his bloodwork was fine and he does not have pneumonia just a bad cold and there was no reason to keep  him in, unless I felt that he needed to be admitted, so we came home after I had a short visit with Lori a family friend who brought me up a smoothie and muffin from Tim Hortens, which was very very nice of her and made the drive home alot better, since we had been at the hospital since 330. Reiko was up every half hour again last night, so I didn't get much sleep. Kai was brought to daycare this morning and Derek was helping his cousin's business for a bit so Reiko and I had a lazy morning and I napped when he napped, although it didn't last that long. I took the day off from working out again today, I feel really guilty doing it and I am secretly, or not so secretly worried that I am going to go off track again, but maybe the fact that I feel guilty for not working out means that this time it is sticking. I hope I don't go off track, I am really starting to feel good, and I think part of the reason I feel so damn drained is the not eating as well as I was before the weekend. The birthday party and hospital(again) threw me off of the good eating habits. But tomorrow whether I have had 10 hours or 1 hour of sleep I will get my butt moving and eating healthy..today wasn't horrible and neither was yesturday, but it just wasn't as good as before. Kai had a good day at daycare and as soon as I picked him up he asked to go to Grandma and Granpa's again but had to tell him not today. He was a good boy all day, snacked on the lunch that grandma and granpa sent to his daycare lol, they didn't know you don't send a lunch with them lol, after supper I came downstairs to seeing Derek with a spoonful of Nutella and Kai with some chocolate eggs and they both gave me this caught look, it was so funny, I wish I had my camera reaady then, he was soo his daddy for a minute. Reiko wasn't his happy self today, although uncle Marty was able to make him laugh and smile when he stopped by after work, he was just quiet most of the day and had a few short naps..didn't do much of anything. hopefully tomorrow he will feel better. He is in bed now and I am relaxing while Daddy took Kai to the gym to play for a bit before bed, tire him out abit, it will be an early night tonight, especially since unfortunately my respite care worker is sick so she can't come til thursday. Hopefully Kai won't fight bedtime tonight and I can go to bed right afterwards. Tonight is the first time I haven't gone on the walk with the ladies and it is bugging me not going, but I just really need to take tonight off. I can't believe 3 more days and my baby is my toddler! How can that be? How can Reiko really be a year old already! I know, I know I keep talking about it, but this year has been insane, we went from a very boring everyday was the same kinda life to a life of pure unpredictability! And our family is now complete and perfect. <3  I may be exhausted but I sure do feel lucky to have this life.

Take care, and get some sleep.for me...
Jess

Sitting in Emerg

I have been at the Stratford Emerg since 330 today, its now 8:50pm. Not sure if we are being admitted for his pneumonia yet or not, so far we did 2 chest xrays and some blood work, first we tried in both arms, and got nothing, then we had to resort to pricking his toes 3 times to get enough blood work. he is not passed out on the bed beside me.

Oh and he also got a ventoline treatment earlier. So now we are waiting on the bloodwork results and to see what the xrays say..it will be a long night, that I am sure of. Kai is at Grandma and Grandpa's tonight since Derek works, Thanks mom and dad!! So we are here because his breathing has been pretty crappy, he is really working hard at it today..poor little guy...so we got him here to Stratford since I phoned London and they said they did not have any beds available at the moment. I guess the upside is that if we do have to be admitted they can do Reiko's sleep study here, they were going to send me the SAT's machine for me to do one night at home and then drop it back off here, but this would make it easier.

Reiko had his birthday party yesturday and it was a great day! He was alittle grumpy but was awesome for the most part, he didn't eat any cake though...threw it away...he was spoiled rotten with toys, that have kept him very entertained here in the hospital lol. I got to see some greats friends and family and we had lots of amazing food. Kai had a wonderful time playing with all 7 of his cousins! I hardly saw him at all the whole time lol. He then went to Oma's for the night! Derek and I were soo tired yesturday after the birthday party so I went to bed early, while Derek had to go to work. But Reiko was up every half hour to hour all night, his breathing was just really really bad. He slept most of the morning and Derek let me sleep once he got up, so I didn't get up until 1:40 when Reiko woke up from his second or third nap! Then we got our bags packed and headed for the hospital once we noticed how the puffers were not helping at all.

Ughh one of the worst parts of being in a hospital emerg, is you hear everyone else crying and upset, right now there is a toddler probably about Kai's age screaming and crying, and somehow Reiko sleeps through it all. Poor little guy, I hope he feels better soon(the little boy in emerg). Another bad part, if you weren't sick before, you can gaurantee you are going home sick...The doctors and nurses have been amazing as usual though. And hopefully we will know soon what we are doing. In the meantime, here are some pics from the birthday party!

The Birthday Boy!

The cake we had made, we were supposed to have another one made but she got terribly sick, so we got the local bakery to do it and I added the snowflakes,...I never said I was an artist!

Him and Kai having a blast together

All the toys he was given, after I took them out of their boxes! His favourite is the glowworm so far!

All the clothes he was given!

The cards from the birthday party!



Ok so I will update as I learn more. I have internet access at least. Take care.

Jess

The Ohh whoa is me post

I am pmsing big time so I feel like I could cry...why? one good reason and one silly reason.

Reiko has pneumonia again in his right lung, he doesn't have to be admitted to the hospital, but is being put on antibiotics, I am just praying it doesn't get worse...and the other silly reason, the cake that was supposed to be made for Reiko's birthday, which was a special snowflake themed birthday cake, is not being made because the lady who makes it, her whole family came down with the flu..and I totally understand that I do..I was just really really looking forward to seeing this beautiful cake at his birthday party that represents how far he has come this year and how special of a snowflake he is....But I called Culberts Bakery and they are going to make a chocolate cake slab that feeds 45 people for 29$ so thats not to bad...I just hope this birthday party will be special for him, even though he is sick...but he is one so I shouldn't take it to hard anyways, he will never remember this.

I have lost 7lbs now! I am down to 175lbs! So since December I have lost 10lbs, but now that I am really working on it, it seems to be melting off..the working out is definitely helping! This week alone I have already walk/ran/biked 74.5km! My stomach is definitely smaller and the baby pouch is shrinking away which is my most self-conscious spot on me. I had the walk with the ladies last night and it was a good night, we are starting to run more each time which has been great...before we know it we will be running the whole 5km's!

The one thing I was grateful for this morning was that the hospital was super quick for us, we were in and out in an hour! they are so great with him. So I figured out the perfect chocolate fix for me, and its only 150calories,  and 6.8g fat

20 g chocolate(about 3 cubes of cadbury milk chocolate) 1 tbsp cocoa powder (unsweetened) 1 egg white 5g of sugar 20 ml cold water a little margerine to grease the ramekin, sugar to coat ramekin completely you will need an electric mixer, and a ramekin/oven proof mug.

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 175 C. Grease ramekin with margerine, add sugar to coat it completely. Place this ramekin the freezer. Take it out after your ready to use it.
2.Set up a double boiler. Melt chocolate cubes. Take of the heat, add water and cocoa, mix until completely combined.
3.Set aside chocolate mixture. Beat egg white until bubbly. Add sugar, and beat until soft glossy peaks form. You can add a pinch of cream of tartar to help the peaks form.
4.Fold quarter of the beaten egg whites into the chocolate mixture. Add the remaining egg whites. Be gentle!
5. Fold until only a few streaks of white are left.
6.Level off your ramekin with a spatula.
7.Put in a small tin with hot water in it and put into the oven.
8.Bake for 16 minutes.

I have to go Reiko woke up and is incredibly grumpy..

3lbs down! :)

So finally the weight is starting to come off with all my hard work. I lost 3lbs this week! Thank Goodness, you really need to see those numbers move somedays to really stay motivated! Today I did a 16.5km bike ride and 5km walk with the ladies as well as my 30 day shred workout! so over an hour and half of cardio alone today! WOOHOO! I was hungry after the walk tonight so I had 2cups of chocolate milk and even though I ate super good today I went over my calories, that is the only drink I have had other than water so I am not feeling bad about it..plus I burnt almost 1000 calories today, so it shouldn't make a difference. Tomorrow I will do 30 day shred and another 30 mins bike ride, hopefully I can hit 17kms in that half hour! I am feeling really good about myself right now, I feel better as well..although I had such a bad headache lastnight and today, but it went away thankfully so I was able to do my workouts..I cannot workout with a headache they get worse for some reason.

Ohh today was soo freaking cute with Reiko, I was giving him a bath and he started splashing like crazy (great for his arms!!) and he was laughing like crazy while doing it, then he would get the water in his eyes and kind of roll his eyes which made me laugh harder and then he would laugh harder and we just couldn't stop laughing, it was soo funny! He wanted to keep me laughing and it was just soo sweet! And he did awesome rolling side to side in the bath as well,  so he is getting much stronger everyday! He was in a great mood again today, I love his treatments for this reason, it makes him feel so much better, it takes alot of the pain away! But that also means before his treatment he gets super cranky because he feels the pain so much more. Kai was a good boy today and I was a good mommy today, hardly ever raised my voice to him and honestly it made the day so much less stressful. He woke up this morning and could hardly keep his eyes open, I knew he would nap at daycare and sure enough he was out like a light when I went to pick him up, he did not want to wake up lol. This day light savings time is awful on all of us! I tried bribing Kai again last night with a twoonie, I wanted to physically show him that he would get money in the morning if he went straight to bed, but he didn't he fought it still for 45mins so today he was alittle mad at me that I would not give him the twoonie, and again tonight we said the same thing, if you go straight to bed and don't get out of your bed at all, we will go to the store tomorrow with this twoonie...well again he didn't go to bed for over an hour..every excuse came up again..so tomorrow he will be mad again, but I do not want to give in to him..I just really want something to work for once...I have tried so many things but nothing seems to work with him. But still the day was a good day with him, he ate all his supper, he loves broccoli, so he ate all that, his sweet potatoe baked fries, asparagus and chicken! at least he is eating healthy with us! Tomorrow I am going to bring the boys to playgroup at the school in the morning, I hope they have a good day with it...wait..now I am wondering if there is playgroup with it being march break..I really hope there is.

This friday at 11:15 we do our photography with the Ronald McDonald House...My Goodness I hope the pictures turn out good, I hope the boys won't get to impatient. I am sure it will be fine..right? lol

I cannot believe Reiko's birthday party is this saturday! WOW! I can't believe in 10 days he will be ayear old! this time last year I was very very pregnant! I was HUGE and getting very impatient waiting for him!

I wasn't exaggerating..I WAS HUGE!



 We had appointments every week in London with the specialist and we had no idea what we were facing when he would be born..we didn't even know if he would live...I was soo ready but so scared to see what we would be up against...but my goodness we were very in love with him already. By then I had about 15 ultrasounds, that was the best part of the pregnancy. And then this perfect little man was born...Here are some more pics.

Minutes before he was born..THANK YOU EPIDURAL!

Just born!! We didn't know anything was wrong..he was perfect!

The moment I found out he had OI and 7 broken bones

All wires

This picture makes me want to cry everytime I see it. you can see how hearbroken I was..

Ok Respite care is here. Good night! :)

ahhh life!

Kai slept over at Oma's last night so we are having a very VERY nice break! lol. This morning once Reiko woke up and I managed to get my lazy ass out of bed after only 3 hours of sleep MAX, we went out to our favourite breakfast place which also happens to be where I used to work before I had Reiko, Bartliffs! It seriously has the best breakfast I have ever had, no place compares at all! They home make their bread, they have the best tasting home fries EVER and everything always just rocks! Never had a bad breakfast there yet! We brought Reiko's chair along with us so he could sit up for once and he was super happy about it and very social, he loved looking around at all the people in the restaurant and loved the attention he got. We enjoyed our breakfast and the conversations with my old co-workers who I miss like crazy, they are such wonderful people. We finished up and headed home, daddy went to bed and Reiko and I have been hanging out, he did alittle bit of tummy time and he is really doing awesome with it. here is a video to show you.

He is getting so strong, we just started doing tummy time yesturday and he did 3 20 minute sessions which is amazing, it is so much easier to put him on his tummy now that I don't have to worry about breaking his ribs just moving him around! If he has a toy to play with he is a pretty happy little guy most of the time.

Kai was a very good boy yesturday, I think I have been way to hard on him, sometimes I feel like such a mean mommy and I hate that. I shouldn't take my grumpy moods out on him, and I need to really start remembering he is not an adult, he has a 3 year old mind and is still learning every day. I feel so guilty some days, I don't feel like he deserves to get in trouble all the time. Toddlers are inquisitive little creatures thats for sure and I will just have to stop and take a breath and teach him right from wrong without yelling all the time.
I really hope I am not the only mom who does this...Yesturday he had Reiko and I play hide and seek with him, it is so funny because he doesn't quite understand it, he tells us where to hide lol and if I try to hide somewhere else he gets mad..and when it is his turn to hide he will either sit right in front of you giggling or hide somewhere else and laugh the whole time so you know where he is..he has such a fantastic laugh its so infectious we end up laughing our butts off. He has me play patty-cake alot with him to lately, he loves that song! He was so excited to play with me yesturday it really was adorable! He would play hide and seek all day if he could though lol, it would never end. I am looking forward to seeing the little man at supper time tonight, but for now I am enjoying some quiet time with Reiko.

I have no idea what was going on last night, but when I would lay down I would have this pressure in my head and it felt like there was a big lump in my throat making it hard to breathe, I was up most of the night because of this, and I really hated it. I wonder if its a sinus infection or something? I hope when I lay down today that it wont happen again.

Yesturday was the first day in a week I didn't work out, I felt bad, but I just didn't do it. Today I will do the 30 day shred and the bike for a bit, and tomorrow is the 5km walk with the ladies, I checked the weather and tomorrow is supposed to be nice, thankfully! I really look forward to the walks, so I am glad the weather will hold up.

Ok Reiko is getting grumpy, he needs a sleep. Take care!
Jess

Woke up in a much better mood today, actually got some sleep last night, other than Derek trying to cuddle all night lol but I am not a cuddler!! I am hanging out with Reiko and Kai this morning and enjoying it so far. Kai is in a good mood and listening well today, he slept well last night as well too. I am trying not to feel to discouraged today, I weighed myself and I have gained 3 lbs, this is after I have been eating really good, all within my calories/fat/protein/carbs and working out everyday sometimes twice a day..I was hoping at least some inches would be down, but nope nothing...what the heck is going on? I am drinking all my water 8 cups if not morea day...I hate the process of losing weight, it can be heartbreaking when you try so hard and feel like you are not accomplishing anything.. But I am not going to give up, I will work harder then ever to get this weight off and down.

Yesturday was a very frustrating day for all of us, we were all grumpy, Derek and I were annoying eachother, everything went wrong, from the toilet overflowing to me almost breaking Reiko's leg, it was just one of those days where everything went wrong from the get go..so at least today feels like a better day here. I am going to play hide and seek with Kai soon and try to keep Reiko busy..going to try and get as much energy out of Kai as possible.

Last night Derek and I watched the finale of Spartacus, that show is soo awesome, I cannot wait for the next season. It has lots of blood, gore and sex..it is definitely an adult show, but the story lines are great..

so any ideas on what I am doing wrong with this weight loss thing? last time I ate this good without much working out I lost like 7lbs in 2 weeks..and now nothing...I must be doing something wrong here...

Again, all my prayers and positive thoughts are going out to everyone who has been devastated in Japan. Now they are talking about possible Nuclear Meltdowns and I cannot imagine what this means for everyone there..this is like a never ending nightmare for them and so many people around the world. I can only hope the disasters end soon and they get a break from all this. Its going to be such a long recovery for them as it is. I think about how many children were lost because of this, how many parents had to watch helplessly and how many people lost so many loved ones, they say the death toll is looking to be about 1300, but I can't imagine it being that low of a number when you look at the pictures..It looks like armagedon there...My heartbreaks for everyone there.

Take Care and please pray for everyone in need there.

Jess

so sad..

Today I woke up feeling tired and grumpy again, until I looked on the computer and saw the devastating news of the Japan Earth Quake and Tsunami..All of a sudden I wasn't so grumpy about lack of sleep and low energy, I was heart broken for all the people affected by this tragic event. I am sending out all my prayers and good thoughts to everyone out there. It really does put your life in prespective of how lucky we all are, and how we can complain about the silly little things. In the last 24 hours so many people lost their lives, homes..well everything..I have nothing to complain about in retrospect.

Ok onto life.

I know I said I didn't have anything to complain about, but I am going to complain alittle.

Kai has been driving me mad..literally..It starts early with him getting into everything and anything, making huge messes, screaming, yelling, crying and not listening to anything I say..it goes to bedtime, where it turns into an hour fight at least, where in that time he manages to wake up Reiko who then screams and Kai screams and then I want to scream...Can he just go to bed easy for one freaking night? last night he didn't go to sleep until close to 11..after alot of fighting and ignoring, and bargaining and anything in between, he finally stopped and went to sleep and so Reiko finally slept to. I don't know how to handle him some days, I love him, but WOW is he ever pissing me off lately. I am just ready to run away for abit, not literally, but wishfully, just for a weekend or something, TO GET AWAY FROM MY TODDLER! Today I was trying to do my 30 day shred, Kai is into everything in the cubboards, I go check on him and he has coloured all over the floors and walls in the kitchen...I tried to get him to clean it, but he realised how hard it was to clean up and couldn't do it. Then I was holding Reiko and asked him to hand me a foam ball on the floor for Reiko, well he grabbed it and threw it at Reiko and hit him on his head and of course then Reiko started screaming and I had to wonder if that stupid ball broke anything in his head..which thankfully no it didn't. I know it was an accident, but it just goes along with everything he has been doing lately..I am just tired of fighting with him all day everyday.

Reiko has been in great moods lately, super happy..that is until I start doing my workouts in the livingroom and then he starts crying the whole time, today he actually threw a block at me because he was mad, I laughed so hard, I can't believe he did that to me lol. Oh and he has started saying mama all the time since yesturday, he always just said dada but he finally says mama now! YAY!

Ok so I complained alot today, I am sorry..just mommy frustrations I guess. I love Kai with everything in me I really do, and he is good little boy, just some days are really hard and I can't help but feel tired with him..he has all this energy and no where to use it right now, the weather has been bad for 3 days now so we couldn't even go for walks, and he only has school mon and wed, I cannot wait until til he starts school in September, that should use up alot of his energy, I hope. Ok Derek wants the computer, lol, he is such a hogger lol. Take care everyone.

Oh wait, I have worked out everyday this week, I am on day 3 of 30 day shred, mon and tues I did walks, wed and thurs 30 day shred and zumba and turbo and today 30 day shred and a 10km bike ride. I am rocking it this week! hopfeully next week to! Ok now, I'm done lol.

Jess

Back at er'

I got back into the swing of things today. I woke up and did the Jillian Micheals 30 day Shred level 1, and it hurt lol, but it was worth it. I ate healthy today, drank my water and then went to my Zumba class tonight. I am back to wanting to do this, lets hope it sticks. Scratch that, IT WILL WORK! With the 30 day shred you do it every single day, so I am going to be hating it tomorrow when I am super sore lol. Zumba was really good tonight, but I definitely felt it more since I had already done a workout earlier, but hey it was worth it.

Today Reiko was in such a happy mood, he would smile and laugh everytime I looked at him, so either he really really loves me or I look awfully funny to him. He ate some pureed green beans for lunch and supper and was just super social today. Kai was in a great mood as well, he had a good day at school too.

I really don't have much to talk about today, I'm to busy watching tv lol. I'll write more tomorrow.
Take Care
Jess

Beauty of a day!

WOW! was it ever gorgeous out there?! It was so nice we all (the boys and I) took a walk, I strapped Reiko to me and Kai was walking(mostly being carried) with daddy. I really wanted to show Derek the whole 5 km we have been doing, but since Kai was quite grumpy and did not want to walk much we did about half or alittle more than half of the walk, so it was still nice to get the whole family out there walking. Reiko enjoyed himself too and its so nice being able to carry him in the baby carrier, I was really scared to try it out on him, I didn't think it would be safe, then I saw another OI mommy do it to her son who has severe OI as well and I got the nerve up to try it and the most damage done was to myself last week when I pulled it off and it knicked my eye! Not bad! So the walk was wonderful, the roads were nice and clear again, the sun was shining and it was just really refreshing.

I could have slept the day away, I wanted to, but I couldn't. I didn't sleep worth a crap last night, my whole body was sore, had a headache and kept tossing and turning, and when I finally did get to sleep close to 530-6 then it was time for the respite worker to leave, so I layed on the couch til Derek got home from work and went upstairs to bed, it would have been a great sleep if it wasn't interrupted every 5 minutes ughh, the life of a mom. First it was Kai a bunch of times, then Montreal called to talk about Reiko's monthly pain assessment which is apart of his study, so I half asleep told her he was all good, then as soon as I fell asleep again, Kai and Derek came upstairs to sleep, Reiko was napping, but of course Kai only wanted to fake nap because I was in bed and instead was jumping around, so I got up and let Derek get some sleep...at least one of us did. If we didn't have this walk tonight I would have been dead at supper time.

I wrote about the amazing ice cream on my fb last night and one of my pregnant friends jokingly replied "you can drop some off here" or something like that, and I said to her, "funny thing is if derek saw that he would have it at your house today!" well I told him about what she said and guess what? He made her some of it and I dropped it off at her house tonight lol.

But for me, this needs to stop, I am not losing anything because I eat like shit. Derek is supposed to be the support for me and sometimes he just makes it worse and we both know it. I have very little will power and motivation and I need that kick in the ass from someone, so Derek said he will stop buying junkfood and making it, I just really want to lose the weight, but I am not good at it. I have always emotionally ate for anything and then I eat out of boredom too, I mean being at home every day all day kinda makes you go batty...which is another great reason for me to keep up with the walks, zumba and Turbo..they are my only me time. I mean Derek and I haven't even had any alone time since his birthday, we dont get to even just be together at all, its all about the boys, which of course its supposed to be, but wasn't there a time when it was supposed to be about us as well? How do you make a marriage survive if you can't focus on it for more than 2 secs at a time, because your kids need something/everything from you. But I am not saying our marriage is in trouble at all, in fact we are doing wonderfully..I just miss Derek...I miss us.

Tomorrow is Zumba and I am so excited about it, that class is soo fun! I know I know, I say it like every week, but really it is, and you should definitely give it a try! Well the Ronald McDonald House pictures were cancelled for this week, its now next week, which is actually quite good, but now we have appts in London like once a week for a month, then I will be starting school hopefully soon, so then I will be travelling to London for those classes as well once a week. It is very tempting to move to London, other than the whole leaving family and the money thing.

I checked the fanshawe website today to see if I could register yet, but no dice...hopefully next week! I am so excited for it and Derek is really excited for me to do it too! I cannot wait to start this!! Woohoo!!

Ok its time for bed. Take care everyone.
Jess

Derek and I so young, I was like 16. At Canada's Wonderland

Derek and I 3 months into our relationship. 2002

Damn you IceCream!

I just got back from a walk with the lovely ladies again, and of course there is that super delishious ice cream that Derek makes mocking me...you stupid Ice Cream..some day I will show you who's boss...but for now my nemesis..for now you have won.

It was a good night for a walk, not to cold and the ground was dry. We walked most of it, ran a few blocks of it, which felt great, then when we went for round 2 of running it felt as if all this weight was pushing on my legs and it felt almost impossible to run, the other girls said they felt it too. It was another night of great conversations with Deb and Trish, I really enjoy their company, and no I am not just writing that because I know they read this lol, I just feel like they are really easy to connect with and so easy to get along with as well, there hasn't been any awkward silences yet, so that must be a good sign lol.

Kai finally went to bed easily tonight, didn't fight at 8 at all, I was out and Derek said he just went to sleep, first time in a few weeks he hasn't tried to get out of it...its a relief really. He is fighting this darn cold, but he is trooper, at first this morning I was keeping him home from daycare, but after a half hour he was acting his normal crazy self so Derek dropped him off and he had a great day at school. Then we played for a bit and I napped, then when I got up my best friend Tracey came over since she was in the area and she played with Kai and Reiko and we tried to have conversations lol, although Kai was pretty sure she only came to visit him and was not allowed to be distracted by me lol. But she is his God-Mother, so he can do no wrong in her mind lol.

Reiko had another good day, I think he is out of his fracture cycle..Thank Goodness!! Today I was trying to help him get to rolling over or at least onto his side more, he didn't like having to work for a toy or cookie, but he did well, got on his sides, but got scared and rolled back again, dont blame him though, I am sure it is hard to fight the fear or breaking something by moving, when he can just lie there and not get hurt lol. But we have to keep working on it, it helps him get stronger everytime we work on it. He is really trying to eat regular food too, he is dropping most of it, or he likes to push it from side to side on his tray, but he is still mainly getting his nutrition from his formula so its okay if he doesn't eat much, and from what I hear about OI kids they have very small appetites. which will save me some money since I am sure Kai is going to eat us out of our house lol. Tonight we have respite care, we talked to the people who set it up and we have now gone from 2 nights a week to 1, and she will come at 11 instead of 12, which is nice. But Reiko has now pretty much slept through the night for 2 nights in a row! How awesome is that?! Good Job Reiko!!

I am plum out of ideas for anything else to post tonight and Sandy will be here soon for Reiko, so everyone have a good sleep. Take Care!
Jess

So the other day was Derek's birthday and it was a great day! We dropped off the boys by 1pm and we did some running around, looking for a kitchen pantry, we looked at elliots Liquidation which had awesome stuff there for really cheap, we found a bathroom sink vanity, that we are going to pick up, its so nice! But after all the searching the only pantry's we could find were at Canadian Tire and Sears, I think we will be going with CT since it is cheaper there. We also picked up a Large Stuffed Crust Pizza and something Derek always wanted to do was fold it over and make it like a giant Panzerotti, we had to ask that they not cut the pizza lol, they thought Derek was crazy lol , it ended up being totally awesome! LOL, we split it and it rocked.

We spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing before we headed to the movies to see Rango, which ended up being horrible and boring, we walked out close to the end..it was not good at all, and unfortunately that was a movie Derek was really looking forward to. So we headed to Paddy O'Neils for a late supper and it was really nice, Jacki a waitress sent out Derek a hot brownie with ice cream for his birthday, Derek used to work there for years and all the ladies loved him there like a little brother! We came home and sad to say, I went to bed lol, it was 10pm.

Yesturday Kai got dropped off from my parents at 10am and we watched a bit of Tangled then we headed to Oma's to pick up Reiko, who had a great night for Oma! AND NO BREAKS!! WOOHOO!! We spent most of the day there, both boys were sleeping when we got there, Kai fell asleep in the car and stayed asleep on the couch for a good 2 hours, as well as Reiko was already asleep, so we watched movies and relaxed there. It was a really nice day! We came home around 5ish and Derek made some burgers for supper.

I am so excited for Reiko, we are finally able to put weight on his ribs! We have never been able to as it is really easy to break the ribs, but finally he can take the holding and I had a blast doing it last night!

Reiko and Kai have a cold right now, but the amazing thing about this chair is it is keeping the fluids running out of Reiko, so I think for this reason alone he is not getting very sick, so thankgoodness for this chair! Reiko actually slept through the night last night, 8-3am then slept til 6:40am then slept til almost 9! That is awesome!! I could do that every single night! We are talking about getting rid of our respite care, its a wonderful thing, but I think we are good at this point and getting used to his sleep patterns. Plus as much as I love our respite care, I feel like they are maybe keeping him awake more than we do, they pick him up and stuff during the night, and we never do with him, we leave him in his crib, give him his bottle and he goes right back to sleep. Reiko has also been eating wonderfully! He has cherrios everyday, some fruit, meat and baby cereals, he doesn't eat alot, but he eats and that is the main thing, his gag reflex is almost gone I think.

Kai had a good time at his Grandma's and Grandpa's, they even went out to supper at a fish and chips place and he was really good. Grandma tried to get him to sleep in his underwear, but he did pee his bed, but he is still learning and its been along process. The night before his Oma had him for the night after the birthday supper, which was a nice surprise. It was nice to not have to fight with Kai for bedtime 2 nights in a row. But last night he made up for it, he fought for 2 hours, and he finally went to bed when I did close to 10..it was fun...

Today we are watching movies and relaxing, Reiko is getting annoyed in his chair so it is time to pick him up lol he is talking like crazy right now soo cute. Hard to believe there is 18 days until his first birthday! WOW!! This year has been quite crazy and remarkable! But he has made our family complete so it has been the best year of my life as well. Ok Take Care everyone.

Jess

THE CHAIR ARRIVED!!

And it is wonderful! It is amazing the independence it gives Reiko! I can actually give him real food because he is sitting up without hurting himself and it is much easier to feed him. So today he had strawberries, banana and cherrios, all cut up of course, except for the cheerios. And he did wonderful, he doesn't eat to much yet, but he is just learning how to pick things up as well, he never got to really do that before. He seems really happy and talk-a-tive him his chair as well, he is really acting his age in it!



eating breakfast!

It arrived shortly after my post yesturday and along with the chair was a bunch of clothing from another OI kiddo named Kaleb, his mom Marie-Helene sent them to me, she was saying "he needs to have real clothes, so he won't be in pj's all the time!" and I couldn't agree more, so yesturday Derek got him all dressed up and he even wore shoes yesturday! Of course I didn't take a picture though, but maybe I will dress him up the same tonight for Oma's and Derek's birthday dinner. I am just soo very very happy the chair is finally here, this is just what he needed!

I was looking at my blog stats today and I cannot believe that my blog has been read 810 times since I started it! How crazy is that? I didn't think anyone would ever read my blog, I didn't think I was a good writer and I didn't think my life would be that interesting lol. It is amazing when I look at where the people are reading from as well, Germany, Singapore, Mexico, Sweden, United States, Canada, UK, Poland, Maylasia,Italy and France!! WOW!! Thank you to everyone that does read my blog.

Over the year that we have had Reiko, ok almost year, people in my family have often been asked why we kept Reiko, some more condescending then others, and of course the people never ask me, but here is the reason.

Reiko was loved the minute We knew I was pregnant, we tried for him, we wanted him before we had him. When we found out something was wrong, well we weren't thinking it was going to be OI, we were told he was going to die, and we knew that no matter what we were keeping him, especially in the chance that they were wrong, and we also knew we were in it for the long haul no matter what. When he was born, we were honestly soo damn thankful it was OI, because that meant he was going to live! But as the breaks began when he was in the NICU I began to feel so guilty, one day I came up to the floor and before I even got off the elevator I could hear him screaming, I could hear my 3 week old baby scream in utter terror with pain, I ran into his room, I knew it was him, and when I got in there, my fear was confirmed, he had broken his arm some how, and he was in alot of pain..I sat down beside him and I cried, and I apologized over and over again to him, And for that split moment I felt this horrible guilt that I did carry him to term and he had to go through this the rest of the life. that was the day I called my mother crying like crazy and was inconsolable. When I went back to the room, I went in and he wasn't crying anymore, his pain meds had kicked in and he smiled at me, as if to say Mommy it will be all right. I didn't ever regret keeping him after that, I just felt sorry for him that this was what he would have to deal with the rest of his life. Now I have honestly gotten used to it, which is an awful thing really, I don't regret or feel to guilty anymore, because I look at the other kids and see that they do have these wonderful lives and they are generally very happy, smart, confident people who don't take things/life for granted. And If anything, this little boy, who has every piece of my heart, has taught not only me but so many people so many things in his first year of life, he will make all our lives better because he is special and important and he is worth having a life, even though he is not perfect. 
Pain is relative people, if you don't know any different, then why would I take away his life?
So I hope that answers anyones questions as to why we were so selfish as to keep him. And yes it was partly selfish, I didn't want to give up my baby because some doctors thought there was something wrong.

Tomorrow is the big day, Derek's Birthday, which means a night to ourselves baby!! We are going to go out for supper and see a movie, then we will come home and sleep alot, because we can lol. I hope he has a wonderful birthday. I am so excited to have this night with him, I hope everything goes as planned!

Last night was Zumba, I love it so freaking much, it is incredibly fun..but Stacey had us do a a new leg workout full of Lunges, and OH MY GOODNESS!! My legs are pretty sore today, HELL they were last night. It was a good workout that is for sure! It will give my butt a nice lift lol. Ok, time to go for another day, have a good one. Take Care

Jess

Quality time with Kai

Yesturday after some grocery shopping, Kai and I went on a walk, mostly the same one I took with the ladies the other night, except we had to go to the pharmacy and post office, so we went that way instead. It still took about an hour for the whole walk and Kai and I had a really nice time, chatting about animals and stuff. I brought the stroller just in case he got tired, which he has not been in a stroller since he was about a year old, and he refused to walk the whole way lol, so he enjoyed the ride at least. I was really hoping that bringing him on this walk would tire him out, but since he didn't walk it didn't work so well, but the main thing was him and I got to spend an hour alone, without any problems and no little brother stealing mommy away! It was a really gorgeous day for a walk, and since I wore actual shoes this time, it didn't hurt and the walk felt great! I was really hoping to get out for another walk today, but it is quite cold out there, so I will see if it warms up abit, if not I still have Zumba tonight anyways, but the walk would be extra nice. Maybe I will bundle myself up and go by myself later, bring the ipod along and just relax.

Once we got home from the walk last night we had some Irish Stew and some Sub Sandwiches that we made, boy were we full! It was a great dinner after an awesome walk. I definitely needed the walk though, for the first time in a week we stopped by Tim Hortons as a treat after shopping (by the way, we worked so hard not to pick up sweets while grocery shopping), well Derek picked up some timbits and of course the damn things were fresh and practically melting in our mouths, so he ran in and got some more lol. Today I have some chicken merinating in a vegetable herb sauce, hopefully it will taste wonderful, maybe  a healthy chicken pizza would be a good supper...hmmmm...

This morning The Ronald McDonald House called to do their interview with us, we are apart of a McHappy Day Campaign where they are going to take our pictures and put us on posters that will go all over McDonalds Restaurants and they do an interview to ask us how we feel about the Ronald McDonald House and how they have helped us, (We used the RMH when Reiko was in the NICU after birth for 5 weeks, and anytime we need them still). I am really excited to see what the interview will say, along with doing the posters and interview on McHappy Day we will go to our local McD's and help pour coffee, etc, meet customers and we are more than happy to help out such a wonderful organization that helped us get through the very hard first few months!

Kai has a nasty cough again and Reiko is getting a cold, I really hope that it doesn't turn into anything worse and we won't have to get admitted to the hospital, especially since his Port was taken out and if they have to try to an IV in him we would be looking at another break and probably no success....I really really hope this doesn't turn into anything, please please please, just not this time.

Ok, so I am getting impatient waiting for his custom chair to get here, it should be here ANY DAY NOW! and I want it now lol, I can't stop thinking about it and I am getting even more excited everyday. So come on FedEx, get me the damn chair!! But in other news today, Reiko actually ate a few of my apple cinnamon cherrios and only gagged with the first one, after that he chewed them and really liked them! I am so proud of him for doing that, it takes alot for him to take regular food, his gag reflux is awful! Thats one more thing I am excited about with the chair, I can put a bowl of baby cereal in front of him and he can use his spoon and learn to feed himself, since he really really wants to anyways.

Reiko is now napping and Kai is at school, some peace and quiet is so freaking wonderful, and wouldn't you know it, the minute I write that Reiko starts crying lol, ohh my goodness...ok well I must go now.
Take Care

Jess

Edited to add, THE CHAIR IS HERE!!! WOOHOO!! HE LOVES IT, I LOVE IT AND IT LOOKS FREAKING ADORABLE!!

Today is my brother Jeff's 29th Birthday! So if you happen to read this Jeff, Happy Birthday big brother!! Love you! Tomorrow is my mother in laws birthday and then on Friday is Derek's! Friday night Derek and I will have a night to ourselves and I am really looking forward to it, especially since he is getting over this flu bug finally. So friday will be my first cheat day since starting back on eating right saturday, and the truth is I haven't even craved any sweets, I have barely thought of them.

Last night at 8 I went for a walk with a bunch of ladies, but walked with Deb and Trisha, while the other ladies stayed about 1km ahead of us lol. But it was amazing to talk to Deb and Trisha, they were incredibly easy to talk to and we got along great. Trisha is the one who is giving us the free family photo shoot, and I was looking at her blog today and her work is beautiful, my favourite by far is the 1950's pin up shoot she did! But the walk was really good, it was a 5km treck through Clinton, around the back streets. What I learned? wear good shoes, and even though it is winter, do not wear your boots, they gave both my heels blisters and my feet were killing me last night! But it was well worth it to have great conversations and have some time to myself. I look forward to next weeks walk, and I may even bring Kai out on a walk today through the same area, get him out of the house and enjoy the beautiful day.

Yesturday I folded 6 loads of laundry, ughhhh,,, laundry,,,you annoy me! The big problem is finding a place to put all the clothes? I mean at one point everything fit in dressers and closets etc, and somehow now we have run out of space to put the clothes. WTH?? I may have gotten rid of Reiko's crib in my bedroom, but now it is full of everyone's clothes, with no where to put half of them. The sad part? I have already gotten rid of everything that I can, I guess now it is Derek's turn to get rid of some stuff. Today there isn't much that needs to be cleaned, thankfully. But we have alot of grocery shopping to do, which Derek will not be to happy about lol.

Kai is having a chocolate mousse, right now, and I think he will need a big bath when he is finished!

Ohh to be 3 again...

Reiko had an okay night last night with the respite care, Derek had to give him some pain meds during the night, he was screaming quite hard, Derek is thinking it may have been his respite worker moving his bad femur, he was really upset, so it was definitely pain. This morning he has been in a great mood, full of smiles and talking, and he has no started the fake cough!! hahahaha oh and playing with his tounge, he is getting to be a smart little cookie. Kai came to sleep with us last night and since Derek was home to, it was very cramped in bed, Kai slept in the middle and i was right on the edge, he was right on me and I am pretty sure Derek had lots of room, Kai somehow got to the other end of the bed and was kicking me in the face all night, and sleeping on my stomach, he also stole all the covers. It was really a fun night...Right now Derek is still sleeping, but in 15minutes I am waking his butt up and going back to bed for a while!

Reiko's chair should be here any day now, and I am getting so anxious for it to get here, I really want to see how it fits him and how much he loves it! This chair will change his life! I cannot wait!!

Random thought : Do you ever want to just slap the people on infomercials? they act like the stupiest things are so amazing and that no on would ever think of it. Like the BABY BULLET, its sooooooo amazing because unlike the regular bullet that you most likely have, you can put the date on the food when you made it! WHOO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT??  And obviously it would be impossible to know when you made the baby food with the other bullet because it doesn't have the special date maker on it! So guess what, now I must go out and buy the new baby bullet, because my regular magic bullet just will not do anymore.

Kai and I were looking at pictures of the Toronto Zoo and Marine Land, I think this summer we will go to the Toronto Zoo instead of Marine Land. Last September we planned on going to M.Land with my sisters family, but Reiko went into the hospital for pneumonia, so M.Land is all Kai has talked about for months, but I think the Toronto Zoo would be much better and more fun, from what I remember, M.Land is kinda boring and really not much to it. He loved looking at the pictures today though and was getting quite excited. I can't wait to bring him this summer! I hope it will be amazing for him.

Ok off to wake up my husband, *evil laughter*. Talk to you later!

Jessica