Bad mood over!

Ok so I am way over my bad mood that I was in yesturday. Thankfully! It was a long day though, not feeling well and Kai was in a bad mood all day and would not listen to anything we said, but today was a better day with him. I thought I had broken Reiko's arm last night when I was getting him changed into his pajama's, I was taking his arm out of his sleeve and he started crying pretty hard, so we splinted his arm and medicated him and he went straight to sleep. He woke up about 3am crying hard in pain again so Derek gave him some more pain meds, and then today he was moving his arm and didn't seem to be in any pain what so ever. I did the touch test and moved onto moving his arm around and he didn't flinch or cry at all. So I am assuming it just was bugging him the way it was coming out of the sleeve. He still vomitted a few times today, no reasons for it, but hopefully the antibiotics will kick in tomorrow and he wont be sick anymore, I can only wish!

A week and half until he starts his first pamidronate treatment and I am so very excited to get him on this drug! I hear the results can be amazing! I hope this trip goes smoothly and there wont be any extra long stays or anything like that. I will be gone from the sunday til thursday. Hopefully it will be the last time we have to travel to Montreal and hopefully we can get his treatments here in London from now on. But Montreal would still follow us, they will do his surgeries, and check ups on his body. Tonight I was a bad girl and had the most amazing banana split...it was soo good lol.

Kai is at Oma's tonight, hopefully being a good boy and already in bed for her. He loves going to her place, every night he says "I go to Oma's tomorrow night mama?" and every night we say only 5,4,3,2,1 more sleeps Kai! While we were waiting for his Oma to finish work he was climbing all over me in the car trying to see where she was lol, he was soo excited!

I don't have a lot to say tonight, still sick and trying to get over this cold, we all are. hopefully next week will be better. have a good night everyone.

take care
Jessica

GRRRR...

Warning: I am grumpy today, so I am ranting....


What the heck is with toddlers? he does not listen, he grabs, hits, screams and drives me crazy! Kai is seriously getting on my nerves, he is getting this awful attitude, he does not eat what we make him, he wants junk food and has fits constantly, he hits, he screams when he doesn't get what he wants no matter what it is and where we are! Everything is a freaking challenge with him somedays and I am so sick of not being listened to....FAAACCCCKKKK!!! He is already in time out, right now as I type this out...He asked for oatmeal, made it for him, refuses to eat it and wants chocolate milk..I do not think so buddy! He does this all the time with pretty much every meal, other places he eats well but at home, he hardly eats anything and its not bad cooking, its him wanting the bad stuff...and I refuse to give in! He had a fit and hit me this morning when I was done going for a freaking pee, because he wanted me to have another pee! WTH???? He had another fit because I took the kleenex's away when he was just putting them in his toes for fun and I am using them. He yells all the time at me and erggg I am just done today, done. Last night he went to bed at 6 because he had a tantrum and hit me hard on my face, it took about 10 minutes of him going crazy for me to get his pjs, pull up and meds for his cold and he was going nuts! I need him to just freaking behave for a day, especially a day when I am sick!!! And I could really really use my own bed for a night Kai, 1 freaking night in my bed by myself would be freaking fantastic! AND WHY CAN'T I STOP SAYING FREAKING????

I am sick, it was bound to happen with Kai sneezing and coughing in my face every few minutes, of course after he does that he remembers to sneeze or cough in his elbow..thank Kai! Reiko is still vomitting and has a fever, but it came down with tylenol. I need a break for a day, a day to just be sick and be alone and not hear babies or toddlers crying, a day with no worries, a day where I dont have to worry about a break or a hospital visit to deal with sicknesses, a day where there are no chores and no cartoons...I want a day to listen to music, to dance, to sing, to laugh at stupid movies and watch my scary movies, a day to enjoy with my husband and have time alone with him for once, a day to ourselves, quiet time!

I am just going to be in a horrible mood today, I can feel it, been up since 5am with Kai and didn't sleep well since I have this damn cold...I want to just be alone today and to let myself feel sorry for myself for once...I hate today..I really do.

Ok ranting over, now I am going to let Kai out of his room, and hope for no more tantrums, then I will pick up Reiko and hope he doesn't puke on me yet again and then I will put on a smile and get over myself.

Take care.
Jess

I spoke to soon...

..yesturday wasn't a boring day after all. Reiko began vomitting and had a fever of 103 starting about 4pm, so we had supper, not knowing when would be the next time I would eat, then Reiko and I headed over to the ER here in town, and the doctor looked at him and said go to children's hospital. So we drove to London and got there aroung 10pm, they did a chest xray, gave more saline drops in the nose and gave us a prescription and sent us home. everything our hospital in town could have done for him but refuse because of his disease, which is so frustrating, because of course at the childrens hospital there were tons of other kids there that were really sick as well, so it puts him in more danger of picking up more illnesses. But there is no pneumonia, other than the same spot that always shows up on the left lung, so hopefully the antibiotics will clear him up for good and things will get better. Kai went to my mom and dads last night, he is sick as well so cried pretty much all night for mom and dad, and he will be home soon because he is just not a happy camper and wants mommy and daddy. Derek and I were up all night,  Derek is sleeping right now and then once he gets up I will head down for a nap. Just another fun filled day in our life.

I hate seeing my boys sick with everything in me, I would give anything for them to be healthy and happy and not feel so awful. And on top of Reiko being sick, everytime he coughs I am just waiting for a rib to break...I thought I heard a pop this morning, but as far as I know nothing broke.

I haven't worked out in a week now, and tonight is Zumba, I am coming down with this cold now and my foot is still hurting like heck from running last week, I can hardly put any weight on it,but probably by tonight I will be running out the door to get away from everything lol.

ok I am going to go now, try to find my sanity somewhere lol.

take care.

jessica

ohhh dear, sick boys!

Well my Reiko has his first cold, yes he has had pneumonia and the Corona Virus, but now he has his first cold! Stuffed up, not eating well, trouble breathing but there is no pneumonia in his lungs from what the xrays showed yesturday. Kai and Reiko both have a nasty cough too, but at least we are all home together and can get over this without me feeling like I am being pulled in 2 directions! Kai and Reiko enjoy sharing a room together, but Kai is still coming into my room to sleep everynight. I don't mind, but I know it has to end soon..but how? It's hard to let him put up a fight when Reiko is in his room now too, I don't want a 2am fight and him waking Reiko up as well. So I do the bad thing and just let him sleep with me. But at the same time, he is only 3 and will be little for only so long, so I will enjoy it while I can, someday he will be appauled with the thought of cuddling with me or sleeping in the same bed lol.

Yesturday was a quiet day for the most part, I went to sleep when Derek got home in the morning because both boys kept me up all night and I slept until 1pm. Got up and saw Reiko was having trouble breathing so went to the ER, and finally after 3 hours of waiting, we were told not to worry for now, its just the cold. Came home and Derek had supper going, broccoli, carrots and steak. Am I the only one who only like broccoli cold? ughhh cooked broccoli makes me gag! Gave the boys a bath together, they love doing that, Reiko learned how much fun splashing was and then he fell asleep as soon as he got into his pjs, but Kai took forever to get to bed again, takes about an hour before he stops coming downstairs and being a pain in our butts. Reiko is actually napping in his crib in his room right now, we have just started getting him to nap in his own room, maybe he will nap better then. We never did before because he was sharing the bedroom with Derek and I, and if Derek was sleeping I didn't want him to have to hear Reiko stirring around before bed.

Today has been full of cleaning, laundry and I made Kai and I Strawberry french toast: low cal!

4 egg whites
6 slices Weight Watchers bread
1tb vanilla extract
1tb cinnamon
1/4 cup skim milk
butter flavoured cooking spray
sugar free maple syrup
strawberry jam

cook french toast until cooked on both sides, spread jam and top with another piece of french toast. garnish with cinnamon and syrup. delishious!!

Reiko is waking up, didn't last as long as I hoped, but at least it was a nap!

Take care everyone. sorry for the boring blog today...but the boring days are the best for us, it means no hospital visits! :)

home sweet home..

So friday night the roads were bad so Derek said he couldn't pick us up. No big deal since we had everything we needed at the hotel. So I put Reiko to bed and of course being a hotel on a friday it was very loud with kids running back and forth in the hallway and adults thinking it was a great idea to talk very loudly in the hallway. by 930 Reiko had been woken up 4 times from the people, after that I tried to lay down and get some sleep, wishing I could be home more than anything at all. I finally get to sleep when there was a knock on my door at 1030, Derek had come to get us! he said the roads were very clear and so we packed up and headed home, and I finally got some sleep! Yesturday we put Reiko's crib in Kai's room and Derek and I finally have our own room again! *Sighhhh*..It's wonderful! Kai still slept with me last night though cause he is getting sick again, poor little man. I just hope Reiko doesn't catch it before his treatment in 2 weeks or we will have to postpone it until he is better. Today we are going to my parents for supper to have roast beef and homemade yorkshire puddings..it will be amazing! Reiko is sleeping on me and Kai is watching Dora and getting into everything so I must go. take care!

Surgery went Great!

after surgery

before surgery

So Reiko's surgery yesturday went great! He was allowed formula until 730am, and water until 1030am, his surgery was scheduled for 130pm. So at 1030 they brought us back to get ready for his surgery, in his gown, weighed him (12lbs 3oz) and accessed his port so that they didn't have to try another IV and risk fracturing him. Well they were running ahead and he went in alittle after 11am, so he didn't really have to fast at all. I got my scrubs on and performed the procedure...lol..nahh, I got my gown on and carried him into the operating room (one nice thing about a child with OI, mommy can come everywhere!) set him down where they wanted him and then within a few seconds they had administered the anesthetic and he was out, they inserted the breathing tube and told me that they would not need to move him again so I was free to go. So I went up to the Pediatric In-Patient floor and put our stuff in our room. We were told he would be in a ward, but they had a private room set up for us which was great! The Ped's floor was just constructed and it is so cool! They have free internet in the room, its a big room, and it just was alot more comfortable, but it would be very easy to get lost on that floor lol. Once I made some phone calls I headed back downstairs and grabbed a hot chocolate and went to the waiting room, waited a bit then decided to get a magazine to read while I waited, as soon as I came back and opened the magazine they came and got me! They had moved him over to recovery themselves very carefully and he was still out, they said the surgery was great. He woke up within a few minutes of hearing my voice and then we cuddled in recovery while he drank some more water, which was not what he wanted, he wanted his formula damnit lol. Within a half hour we were brought up to his room and we settled in together. After his formula he was a happy little guy smiling and making kissy sounds with his nurse Sharon. I couldn't even tell he had surgery with his attitude and there was no bleeding at all at the site this time unlike the first time they inserted the Port. They said they would only have to keep us overnight to see how he comes out of the anesthetic and they said that they kept the same incision and just freed up some more space inside for the port so it wouldn't be so tight! This morning at 7am the doctors came in, checked him and gave us the ok to go home. We were at the hotel by 830! He didn't sleep well again last night so I didn't sleep either, now going on 4 nights...The roads at home are way to dangerous to come get us, which is fine, we have the hotel room until monday or longer if need be. Reiko is sleeping, has already been up twice in the 2 hours..hopefully the whole night isn't like this. But the main thing is everything went good and he did not sustain any fractures!! YAY!! I miss Kai a whole lot right now, cannot wait to see him! He has his cousin's birthday party to go to tomorrow which he is extremely excited about! Hope he has fun!!
Ok I am going to attempt to go to sleep, we will see just how lucky I will get with that lol.

here is a video of reiko's new game! crazy little guy!

Here in the hotel

So tomorrow is Reiko's Port A Cath removal surgery and then they will put it somewhere else in his chest. So it has been a long day today. I did not sleep well last night even though Derek got up with Reiko so I could get some sleep, I had to much on my mind and I am sure the nap I had earlier with Kai did not help me any. I was thinking about all the normal worries of the doctors handling him while I am out of the room, the IV, making up his signs for his car seat so people don't touch him, thinking about my eating this week and how hard it will be not to binge eat everyday..ughh...but eventually I got alittle bit of sleep and then Kai woke me up at 6am coming to my bed, so then everything I had thought about most of the night went right back into my head, feel asleep and then Derek came in and said "your turn!" ohh yay! lol. So I spent time with Kai this morning cuddling and playing together, then I got him dressed and dropped him off at school. When I got back we loaded all the bags, which you would swear we were leaving for months with everything I brought lol, and then we headed to London. We got here aroung 1230ish and picked up the Ronald McDonald House letter for the Best Western and headed to the supermarket to get me some healthy foods to last the week. I naively thought the healthy whole wheat pasta with tomatoes, basil, oregano and peppers would last me all week, nope, went through most of it today. This time we brought a toaster oven to the hotel since our room has no microwave or anything to cook with, at least now I can make something here for myself. Reiko and I had our pre-admin appt this afternoon and they were a half hour late, but I saw the anethesiologist(sp??) and he just asked us questions, the normal stuff. Reiko can have formula up to 730am then he can have water til 1030 then he has to fast from there, and his surgery is at 130, thankfully it wont be to hard on the little man.

I was shocked and saddened to see that a fellow OI mom who also had severe OI as well has passed away today, I am not sure of the circumstances, but her husband just said he passed away at noon. She leaves behind her husband and a young daughter, possibly Kai's age. Ewa was from Poland and only 33 years old, 9 years older than me. How unfortuante and unfair.

I miss my husband, even thought it was just this afternoon that he drove away from the hospital, I miss him. I love being around him, we dont even have to talk and I love being with him. My heart aches when we are apart, but I know that in 5 days we will see eachother and that wonderful moment will make it all worth it. And of course I miss my KaiKai! It is so quiet and boring without him around and he says the cutest things and is such a momma's boy now that I crave this cuddling time together.

But I am so thankful to have such wonderful healthcare for Reiko and that they do what they can to get him in as fast as possible and always have his best interest at heart. I love Canada.

I really am bummed about missing both my workout classes this week, I look forward to them all week and of course this week I miss both of them, and in 2 weeks I miss both again since Reiko and I will be in Montreal then. But all the working out is really helping, I started running 2 days ago and last night I could not believe how great I did! After running/walking 2 mins intervals for a half hour I then ran 10 minutes straight! I cannot believe I did that! My right foot is very sore today though, so I took the day off! Tomorrow night if I am not to exhausted I will use the gym here and do another run! YaY for positive results!

Ok bedtime now! I will update you all tomorrow night.

xoxoxo

Hi from he hotel room!

Jessica

Opps, I forgot my blog!

Ok I am back after almost 10 days!! So much to tell too!

Last week Reiko had some appointments on Tuesday, He had a respirologist and orthopeadic dr's appt, it turned into a crazy and long day. We brought Kai along not knowing what was in store. First we get there and find out that apparently I was talking to a ghost last week when we made the respirologist appt because the lady said we never talked and we never made an appt, even though while I was on the phone with her Derek was writing down the date and time! But thankfully they were able to fit us in...2 hours later, 10 minutes before our next appt, thank goodness his orthopeadic doctor was down the hall!! So I told the respirologist I wanted to know why he is getting pneumonia every 2 weeks, so she is setting him up with a sleep study to check for sleep apnea and a swallow study to see if he is swallowing his food down into his lungs, which would cause the chronic pneumonia, we are assuming it is the asperating that is causing it, if it is I don't know what step we take next. Then we ran down the hall about 15 minutes late to our next appt, and thank goodess she is a wonderful lady! I LOVE his ortho doctor! We met one in the summer and he was awful with Reiko, and was not careful with him and just generally seemed to not care about him, but Dr. Bartley is amazing! She has dealt with OI before and she was so understanding, she held him so carefully and answered all my questions with him, she said I could call her anytime I need to and she didn't fuss about getting him other pain meds. She was amazing! Then she set us up with the fracture people and got us a bag of splinting material, so we are stocked for a while, I hope along time! So then we went back to the respirology area where they did a finger poke on Reiko to check his awake C02 levels, and then we had Reiko's port(a Iv line straight in his chest) flushed....and that is when the fun started. I noticed a hole in his chest at the port when she cleaned the area, a hole where I could touch his port in his body....So after they flushed his port which made the hole bigger, we waited and waited for a doctor to come see us, when we were told they would not come see us and we were to go to the Emerg, that was after waiting for  2 hours, by that time we had been at the hospital 7 hours!! WITH A 3 YEAR OLD!! A VERY BORED 3 YEAR OLD!! So we go to downstairs to Emerg and they get us into a room, thankfully with a TV for Kai and we waited another 2 hours when the doctor that refused to see us upstairs came in to discuss getting him a surgery for a new port to be installed before this one gives him a deadly infection....GREAT! So he says ok Thursday we will call you in and he will get the surgery that night or that weekend...so we go home, nervous as all hell that this port will get infected, checking his temperature like crazy incase he gets any fever. By the way, Kai was actually amazing the whole day, the only time he got grumpy was when we were leaving to go home and he couldn't play in the Castle Room anymore! He was just awesome! Especially for a 11 hour day! So thursday comes and I call right at 9am and the receptionist had no idea what I was talking about, but she finally got a hold of him about 5 hours later, so he is set up for the surgery and once the nurses get him a room she will call me back, another 2 hours go by and she finally calls back to tell me the surgery is now being rescheduled until next thursday since there were no beds available! THANKS! She said as long as he doesn't get a fever and the hole doesn't get wet we should be fine..so now we wait until thursday. Then thursday night the ER doctor that saw us calles at 10pm thinking that Reiko had a bacterial infection, but we informed him that they never took a urine sample from him so it couldn't be him, THANK GOD!! So what a fun few days those were. So eating was off this week, I didn't really even try, I was stressed, but I worked out 4 days this week, mon, wed, thurs and today. I am back on track today though, eating within my points again. But Derek hasn't helped much since he has made 2 coconut cream pies (1 we will eat tomorrow at a birthday party) from scratch and they are amazing! And he also made a Mocha Dutch Log as well for the birthday tomorrow. He is an awesome Baker! We had a really nice day together today, Kai has been at Oma's since friday night and we watched How I met your mother while cooking and that kinda stuff. We had a good day of just relaxing with Reiko. Although I think I may have rehurt Reiko's femur when we wanted to get him in his bumbo chair for some sitting, it hurt him so we got him out right away and now his femur is sensitive again. So Codiene and Advil to the rescue! He has already been up a few times tonight so I am expecting a long night, but thats ok, thats life. I cannot wait to see Kai tomorrow! He called tonight to say he misses us and loves us, and we were joking about how he is stealing my bed, and he says no mama its my bed! and we were joking and all of a sudden he started crying hysterically because he thought I told him he couldn't sleep with me anymore, lol, it was really adorable and once Oma calmed him down he was back to saying ove you mama! lol. He is perfect...Both my boys are! I such a lucky mama! OHHH OHHH I ALMOST FORGOT!! GOOD NEWS! Reiko is now officially done with his zolendronate treatment and starts pamidronate in february!! WHOOOHOOO!! Which also means we will be able to get his treatments in London instead of Montreal!! This is awesome!! Hopefully this is the beginning of something wonderful for Reiko. Ok its wayyyyy past my bedtime. Night Night!

P.S, thank you for the comments ladies, I don't know how to respond to them indivually, but I wanted to say Thank You for reading my blog! xoxox

Me and my boys!!

He passed out while colouring!!

Me and my big guy!

They love eachother soo much!

Kai and Roger!!

Jess

Ohh how I love Zumba!!

Last night was our return to Zumba, and it was so much fun!! I had a blast! I particularly couldn't contain my laughter when our cool down song was "I'm to sexy" and we strutted around as models! It was such a good workout and I felt great afterwards!! Tonight is Turbo Jam and I am just as excited about that one as I was for Zumba! This will be my first time in years trying Turbo, but with Stacey as our teacher it will no doubt be an amazing and fun workout! I'm so pumped!!

Reiko is doing better again today, I had to resplint him since his foam splint was sliding down and the wraps were getting loose, so it was the perfect opportunity to give him a MUCH NEEDED BATH!! haha, thats one of the most annoying things about the fractures is that baths a rare when they happen. He loved the bath and was even moving his fractured femur abit, he was smiling, laughing and talking, and almost rolled over in the bath, which wouldn't have been to good, but it's a great sign at how well he is moving now! I don't think I am ready for him to roll over, mainly because I don't know what if anything will break when it happens, and I am just so ready to stop seeing him go through so much pain. But alas, I cannot stop his motor skills, nor do I want to, I will just have to be ready for the terrifying times when he does actually get mobile!

Kai had another fun night of getting him to sleep, but he finally went down, then came to sleep with me again, daddy was sleeping downstairs with Reiko so I could get a good night sleep, which I am so thankful for! But I miss sleeping with my husband, especially since he works saturday through tuesday nights, then wednesdays he sleeps downstairs with Reiko, we sleep together Thursdays because of Respite and Friday he usually gets up with Reiko again for me! I remember the days when I could not wait to finally get to sleep with Derek, I remember when we first moved in together in 2006, it was so fun, and exciting! I guess it's needless to say, parenthood has changed our lives big time lol. But still, we are better than ever, he is really supportive of my life change and always has me laughing!

I am so excited to finally announce I am 179lbs!! I am finally under the 180's!! I haven't been this small for like 2 years!! HAPPY DANCE!! HAPPY DANCE!! This is really working out people, I am doing Weight Watchers and loving it!! But I am doing the old points system not the new one. I even noticed today, sitting down, my belly doesn't bulge out, it is pretty small!! WOOHOO!! This is the first time I have ever actually tried to healthily lose weight, usually I get upset and do stupid fad diets, or do stupid things, but this time, actually eating healthy and working out, well it truly works! We have to do some grocery shopping today though, because unfortunately we do go through the whole foods pretty fast!

Life is pretty darn good right now, We all have our issues, stresses, sadnesses, but it's how we deal with it is what matters, you can either let it rule your life, or just accept it as another part of your life. It has only taken 10 months, but I am coming to terms with Reiko's disease and how to deal with it. It's funny to think that before I got pregnant with Reiko I was looking into doing nursing, now I am a full time nurse for my son lol. What are the odds? I hope you all have a fantastic evening!!

YAY!!! ZUMBA!!

Ohhhh I am soo excited for Zumba tonight!! I cannot wait to get started again, this 2 weeks has felt like forever! I'm going to shake my ass off tonight! Tomorrow is Turbo Jam and I am alittle nervous for how hardcore that will be, but it will be fun, I did it years ago, like before kids, and it killed me for days after, I could not move..at all! But it was a great workout! So I am uber excited tonight!! YAHOOO!! First I will do some pilates before Kai gets home from school to give myself a good stretch, I did resistance band training and ohh my goodness do my triceps ever hurt today!

Kai has been getting harder and harder to get to bed lately, every night it seems to take about an hour before he stops getting out of bed..grrr...and he came to sleep with me last night, I didn't really care, he just crawled in bed and cuddled under the blankets, kids are so perfect when they are sleeping! Reiko has been sleeping better lately, don't know if its because of the pain from the fractured femur or just him getting older, last night he slept til 330! Gave him some more pain meds and he slept for an hour and half, then ate alittle more then back down til 8 this morning! My only problem is falling back to sleep once I am woken up, it seems everytime I finally do fall back to sleep, one of the kids wakes me up, and then I get anxious about sleep because I always expect one to wake me up. Thank goodness for anti-anxiety meds or I would never sleep.

I feel a renewed sense of healthy eating today, yesturday all I could think about was how bored I was with eating the same things, but today I feel better, I feel like it will all be worth it and it is going to be. I look at my size 27 jeans and know that I am going to fit into those before I know it!

Reiko's next treatment in Montreal is the week of Feb 7th, it will be a busy week, We head down the sunday 6tu, the 7th he gets sized for his highchair, the 8th he gets his hopefully pamidronate treatment then later on another fitting for the highchair, and if he does start the pamidronate it will be 3 days of 4 hours treatments instead of the 1 day 45minute treatment, so we wouldn't be back home til saturday probably. First thing I will have to do when we get there sunday is pick up all my healthy groceries, premake some food so I won't be tempted to eat the bad stuff. I really hope they will do the pamidronate instead of the zolendronate, I really feel like he needs this treatment more...it is known to work, and zolendronate is a clincal study..I am just done putting him through the ringer just to see if it will work on babies. With his femur fracture I believe he is at 64 fractures to date now. ughhh. But he is so strong and tough, he is back to normal now, and was even feeding himself his cereal this morning, lol, what a mess! But daddy would cheer so much that he got really excited to keep doing it! It was a wonderful moment!

Ok time for Pilates baby!!! :) xoxox

...

Reiko has slept for the last 2 days now, thanks to morphine. I brought him in to be xrayed again today because I was worried that the break got worse, his whole leg was completely swollen and the foot was so puffy and hard, he cries very hard anytime he is moved. So I brought him in, and nothing new showed on the xray, so I just was told to give him for morphine for the pain and to resplint it. He slept the afternoon away again today, and is awake for now, he just got his new dose of morphine, so I am assuming it won't be very long, but right now is a good moment, cause he is actually smiling at me, for the first time today! I knew he was in alot of pain last night because he actually slept through the night pretty much, woke up at 1230 for some more morphine and a bottle then slept til 1030 this morning. He never ever sleeps like this! This seems to be a really bad fracture for him, he is not usually so upset everytime he moves.

So I have lost a total of 5lbs so far, eating really healthy and feeling good. although its taking a bit to get my stomach used to eating smaller portions of food and I am hungry alot, but I am eating every 2hours, I am doing really good with this though, I feel like this time is meant to work. I am usually not to commited, unless it has been a quick fix diet, like last years milk shake diet thing that was like 250$, I lost 11lbs but it was because I was consuming 200 calories a day! ughhh, do not miss that one, not to mention gained it right back. I eat healthy foods all day, cucumber, raspberries, almonds, salads with no dressing, fish, chicken, tuna, peppers, etc..tonight felt like a treat but it was well within my points, Derek made a 5pt per slice bbq chicken pizza on whole wheat crust, and it was AMAZING!! I had a salad with it, drank my water and feel full! Tonight I am going to go swimming at 8 and do 25laps, hopefully..its been about a month since I last did laps.

Kai has been a good boy, we are doing lots of reading lately, but I have come to realise he does not know colours or shapes, well some shapes. He can count to like 15, but he always mixes up the colours and shapes. I should have done more with him as he has grown older. But he will get it, it will just take some time. He has been full of big hugs and kisses and cuddles, I love it. But bedtime is getting harder, he is trying to find more ways to stay up later and it can get so frustrating, but I realise how very very lucky I am to have my son, I think back to little Emmett Trapp, he passed away in August, went wandering out of his house and was found a few days later, he was napping with his mother at the time he went missing, and I always have this guilt when I get angry with him, I feel like I should never ever take for granted the fact that my son wants to read with me, or sing or just cuddle, when some people lose their children so unfairly. Ok time to feed Reiko his milk, he loves milk!! ttyl

broken femur

his splint. he's in alot of pain, even with morphine.

I am holding Reiko right now, so sorry if this is not long or grammaticaly correct. Last night Derek was picking Reiko up out of the swing and he started crying very hard, so we went to the ER and found out his left femur broke. so he is on morphine for pain and I did a splint all the way to the belly button. I guess all I can say is OI SUCKS!

5lbs down baby!!

he was so tired, its such a beautiful picture!

He is perfect <3

This was the first time Reiko was able to sit in the bumbo chair on Christmas Day! He is getting so strong!

Thats right!! This whole eating healthy 6 times a day thing really really works! I have more engery than ever! I am losing weight, feeling good, feeling happy and I really look forward to eating my healthy foods! This is what I am supposed to do! I am supposed to learn to love eating healthy foods and to take care of myself. My only question has been, what do I do when Reiko is sent by ambulance to children's hospital? Usually once a month, excluding last month, he gets sent down to childrens hospital by ambulance for his pneumonia, Derek stays here with Reiko and I head down in the ambulance with him. So what do I do about my healthy eating then? I guess hopefully I can walk to a grocery store and pick up some healthy foods so that I do not have to resort to the awful, dreaded hospital food...which is one thing I cannot understand! How do they not have healthy food? They only have a salad bar at lunch then its closed and weekends all you can get is friend foods and tim hortens..what is a parent to do that is constantly stuck in a hospital? It's hard enough not to snack then, let alone literally not having the option to eat healthy food. So here is hoping that Reiko will not be admitted into the hospital for a long long time! Right now he is lying next to me on the couch, yelling, talking and kicking his legs, its adorable! I swear he said duck today too, over and over again..like right now lol. Last night was new years eve, Derek and I played Halo, my first time playing ever, not that much fun really, we lasted like 20 minutes then he watched a few episodes of the show "Mike & Molly, I have not laughed so hard in months and Derek was happy to see me laughing so hard. I only stayed up til 11, then headed to bed, new years doesn't mean much to us, sleep does lol. Derek got up with Reiko last night, brought him downstairs and I had a great sleep, thanks to Lorazapam! Today Kai is heading to his Oma's for the night, she wanted him over, so that gives me a chance to catch up on laundry, and clean alittle, other than that it will be a easy day, do some workouts and spend some time with my hunny! Happy New Years to everyone! Thank you for all your love and support in 2010, but here is hoping that 2011 will be a hell of a lot better year! xoxo