Nerves....

I'm starting to get the nerves now, tomorrow is a week until we leave for Montreal. It's hard to think that after having such an awesome week with Reiko, so happy and pain free and moving around freely that he will have his first major surgery on one of his legs, followed by the other 12 days later. I hate to think that in a week he will be in a lot of pain and there is nothing I can do about it. I know he needs these surgeries so bad, hell I was the one emailing the doctor to get them done, but now that they are so close, its just scary to think of him being put under twice and laying his life in someone else's hands. I am also nervous about leaving Derek and my KaiKai for 3 weeks, when Derek works at night Kai sleeps in my room. Last night I went to bed and just watched him sleep for a while and fell asleep holding his hand. It breaks my heart to know he will not be with me for almost a month, thats insane. I know I am going to just feel so sad when I am away from my amazing husband and my lil man. No one tells you that you might have to go through things alone when you most need your family around. But I also feel awful for Derek because he will be away from his baby boy during a major surgery, I have realised I have kept talking about how I was going to be all by myself and I would be away from Derek and Kai for 3 weeks, but finally realised that its not just Reiko and I going through this, Derek and Kai will be going through this in their own way and it won't be easy for any of us. So I have been trying to enjoy the moments we have together and not get frustrated with Kai so easily over simple things, because in another week I will miss them so much.

I have been racking my brain over and over again about what to bring, what to expect, how will I do things by myself after his surgeries and at this point I am just ready to get everything over with so that I can just relax. I absolutely hate the unknown, I don't do well when I can't plan things. Even the day of the surgery is annoying me because I have to go to the Ronald McDonald House at some point to sign in and get the key for my sister to stay there and I don't know what time I can do it. I am hoping that the surgery will be around 2 because I can't get the key before 2pm, so if the surgery is in the afternoon I can leave when Reiko goes into surgery and be back before he is out of surgery. If not I have to leave my sister with him in recovery and go get the key, why can they not just let my sister sign in instead of me?! especially on the day of his surgery!
But it will all come together for us, it will, it has to.

I will try to keep you all updated about his surgeries.
Take Care!
Jess

daddy didn't bring him in the store!

chillin out and watching tv

People of Walmart - Cutest baby ever!

Kai and Reiko in their matching PJ's

bathtime tonight!

Reiko woke up in some pain tonight, gave him some advil and he passed out on me, and no I am not losing my hair, just a bad hair moment lol

Kai went sledding with his uncle Darcy pulling him behind the snowmobile, don't worry it was slow!