Getting better

It was a tough few weeks, and June really sucked for Reiko, but now it seems to be getting better, KNOCK ON WOOD! We took Reiko out of the brace today, he has a rash on his body and it was also on his legs, looked like it would have been painful with the brace rubbing it, and he handled it really well. He was moving his leg around and didn't seem to have any pain. we put it back on at bedtime though, speaking of bedtime, my child(Reiko) has decided sleep is not a necessity...he has been up continuously every night, making me very very tired, and so when Derek comes home from work, I head to bed til 12, then its his turn to sleep...not so enjoyable in the summertime. Yesturday Reiko really wanted to get onto his stomach, mind you he hasn't been on his tummy in over a month now, and he was so determined I didn't stop him, well he did a full roll over, and his arm that is healing from a break from the 25th of June got caught behind him and he let out the cry, so of course I thought he broke the arm again, but I picked him up, brought him to the break box and he was absolutely fine! WTH??  I don't know if just doing a full roll over scared him or what? I am assuming it had to have hurt the healing arm, but he is acting like nothing is wrong with it. the boy confuses me lol.

Kai has started Kinderoo this week, which is a 6 week program to get him ready for Kindergarten. Yes, kindergarten this september! AHH! He likes the kinderoo alot, of course I am sleeping when he is dropped off and picked up, so I don't get to talk to the teachers, but they say you get to find out how they are doing half way through the 6 weeks. I just can't believe that my little boy is starting school already, I know now that time will just go by so very fast from now on, I will try to treasure every moment with him. We have been trying to keep him busy, last weekend was Canada Day so we went to all the celebrations in town, fireworks on the 30th, which was also Derek and I's 4 year wedding anniverasry, he loved them, then saturday we went to the wading pool, and then the teddy bear parade where he and some of his friends had a balloon sword fight, sunday we went to see the reptiles and then went to one of his friends house where he played with 4 other kids! he had a great time! tonight we went to the beach, the water was nice, but Kai is scared of pools or lakes, so he fought me the whole time, I got him in but he wanted out right away, Reiko wasn't to fond of the water either, he was scared but he handled it better than Kai lol.

I only have like 4 more weeks of my first 2 courses! I have 1 more quiz to finish tomorrow then I will have the unit test and final exam at the end of the month for Basic Human Anatomy, I am doing really well in that class. My computer class has been going really good too, I have gotten like 94% on both my assignments and I handed in my other assignment last week, I don't know if it will be as good as I didn't put as much effort into it as the other ones, with everything Reiko was going through, from being in the hospital to just feeling horrible and sorry for myself and him, I didn't care. I hope its good enough though, I think I did everything I was supposed to do. we will see I guess. Its due tomorrow, so within 2 weeks I should know. I start my 3rd course on Monday, Patient Prep, I am keeping my fingers crossed that I wont have to go down every week for the course, its a split course, some in class/ some online. But the course has no textbook, and that kind of stuff in hands on, so I am assuming its mainly in class, the only reason I care is because I would be driving to London twice a week for that course and my computer course.

So when Reiko broke last week, it was the hardest one for me. I felt like I was a horrible parent to him, he didn't want me to touch him or go near him, I could tell he was so scared everytime I went to pick him up, because of the pain he would go through. I tell ya, there is absolutely nothing worse than seeing your child scream in the most horrific way, and then watching them pass out from the pain...especially a 15 month old. I would start to cry just thinking that he blamed me for the pain, it was just so awful. It just scares me honestly, it scares me to think of what worse fractures he will sustain and having to watch him go through it. I don't know how I will be able to be strong for him in those moments, I wasn't very strong last time, I yelled at Kai when he leaned on his new broken leg and had him crying, then I ran up and cried in my room after Reiko had passed out, then Kai came up and kept saying "I'm so sorry mama" and it broke my heart more, because I never ever want him to feel responsible for this disease. So I scooped him in my arms and cried and told him he was a good boy and its not his fault. But I felt horrible that I yelled at him, because these breaks are scary for us all. And then I cried everytime Reiko would have a spasm because it was horrible watching him go through it...I cried alot, and wasn't strong around my boys when they needed me. I don't know how to be strong in these moments. I guess I am rambling on, sorry. Just please please say some prayers, send some good positive energy or thoughts Reiko's way, he needs it. I am just hoping that this stupid fracture cycle is over with, for a long long long time. Its hard to believe in a month he will have his next treatment! Thank Goodness! Ok goodnight to whoever still reads this.

Take Care,

Kai's spider man facepaint on Canada Day, he always gets spiderman, and I think it is catching on with the other boys now too lol.

Jessica